Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
