Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
