I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
