He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
