Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
