I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize