Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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