we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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