its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
