that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
