i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
