So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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