i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
