I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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