mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My ATM looks so different sober.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
