so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
