I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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