we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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