Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
