; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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