So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
