Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
