The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
