on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
