I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
