Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
