im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Someone shit on the floor
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
