I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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