I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
