He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
