it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
