My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
