If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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