physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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