Me too!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
How does one acquire holy water?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
