I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
