Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Randomize