I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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