last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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