Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
