I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
