so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
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