Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize