My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
