I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
