Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
