someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
