Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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