Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
