Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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