he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
