Barsexuality is the new black.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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