When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
