mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
