No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize