omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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