just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
