just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
