just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
