I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize