you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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