the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
