i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
