i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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