Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
