Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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