im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
zippers are such a cool invention
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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