Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
