well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
