i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
