I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
