Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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