So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
