So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
