I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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