Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
