I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
