My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
