your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I FOUND THE LEGS
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
