if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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